Mermaid Lives Matter! | The Little Mermaid Review
If you don't like this movie, you're racist!
The Little Mermaid has been out for almost two weeks and like I said I was going to do, I did see it multiple times. I knew what was going to happen and I still got emotional! The impact of Halle being Ariel is just too big. If I was a kid and I saw this movie Halle would be my new obsession. It would be really bad for me. Let’s be honest it still is really bad for me. I went to the 34th street AMC and they had a barbie box already!!! I am so fucking excited for the Barbie movie. Talk about a movie I am going to see multiple times. Sheesh. That being said let’s get into the review. I was frantically writing notes and taking pictures during the movie last night lol. This is how devoted I am to you Jury! This goes without saying but spoilers ahead! Also, this post is def gonna be too long for email so once again I am telling you to get the Substack app :)
The opening shot of the waves and the quote about mermaids not being able to cry so that makes them even more sad was so cunt!!!!!! When I saw it, I was like oh they’re getting the Oscar LMFAO. Idk if I was just excited but it’s how I felt!
Going chronologically with the story, one thing that is so funny to me is how bad Ariel is. That girl was never where she needed to be. Not only that, but she also deadass didn’t even remember where she was supposed to be! I know she lives in water, but she is definitely an air sign. The changes they made to her tail and her bra were so cute. The seashell bra was kind of tired and her new bra makes way more sense. Her tail is so pretty. I would even say prettier than the original.
I do wish the sisters got to sing their song at the beginning but at least they said anything at all. In the original they have that one scene and the scene where they talk about being in love and that’s it. All of them were cunt. I can’t pick a favorite1.
I also have to say that Flounder and Sebastian were not as creepy or off putting as I thought they were going to be. Daveed Diggs did a good job but I don’t think that was a good enough Jamaican accent. Now, Skuttle should have been Natasha Lyonne when did Awkwafina become the spokesperson for raspy voices? Awkwafina wasn’t bad but just would not have been my first choice.
I also have to say that Eric has always been my favorite Disney prince and I can confirm that this new Eric is hot. Lowkey want to put the actor on my baby daddy list. I read the NY magazine profile on him, and he seems super down to earth and not interested in being a celebrity. Sounds like my type. Unfortunately, he has a girlfriend.
I bet Ariel realized she liked Eric when he went back for Max, Eric’s dog, when the ship was crashing because she would have gone back for flounder2! I also want to point out that Max was perfectly casted. That dog looks exactly like the cartoon dog. The only technical thing that bothered me during this entire movie was that I can tell they’re in a studio in the shipwreck/saving Eric scene. I still don’t understand how it was night when she saved him and day when they were on the beach3. Now, I didn’t love Eric’s song, “Uncharted Waters”, but love that be got one! I think the movie followed the format of the musical, so it makes sense that he has a song. He ate with what he was given4. The key change and the riffs at the end of the song were sending me.
The scene of the sisters cleaning up the shipwreck was amazing and thickened the plot of why King Triton didn’t want them to go up there. Because it’s not really explained in the original. Like I’m not saying he didn’t have a point but also, he needed to hear her out.
Under the Sea was soooooooo fun and colorful! This was a scene I was also nervous about, but I have to say it lived up to the original! Each animal was so beautiful, and they even went further with the effects in this version and I was just having so much fun. I love marine life, so this was honestly just heaven to me. I was fine just watching them all swim around.
Part of your world (each rendition) was show stopping. Heart wrenching. Oscar winning! Like both times I saw it I cried. I didn’t hear or listen to it before seeing it the first time, so I was truly just in awe. I came home the other day, and my roommates were watching the original and I am so sorry Jodie Benson, but Halle ate you UP. Like its sad. Halle better get the Oscar or the Grammy I know that much! Or I will be storming The Academy Lil Mama style!
I was also wondering how they were going to do the scene when King Triton damages all her stuff in her trove. Mostly because how are you going to make fire under water? But I have to say honestly it looked good! It was a little weird CGI wise but ultimately, I think in terms of physics that is how it would look if you blew up something underwater. When I saw it the first time, I thought it was weird how she wasn’t crying. Then I remembered the quote at the beginning. Seeing it the second time, it really was sadder watching her cry with no tears. They ate that.
In truth I didn’t mind Melissa McCarthy as Ursula! I wasn’t convinced when they announced the casting or the poster. However, I feel like Melissa got Ursula’s essence but added her Melissa’s flair on it. Ursula having her cave be inside a dead animal is so cunt. The dead little shrimp people were missing though. It was creepier in the original, but it was still scary. Flotsam and Jetsam were cunt as always. I did have a thought: Ursula should have been played by P!nk. They have the same haircut! Also, idk why the spell for Ariel not to remember she needs to get the kiss was necessary. The terms of the agreement were bad enough. Never hurts to be thorough, I guess. She did win in the end (briefly) so!
In the original Max is the one to find Ariel after she gets her legs. However, it makes more sense that a sailor picks her up in the middle of the ocean for how far she had to swim. I feel like the things that were changed from the cartoon to the original honestly were necessary to make sense of the plot.
For example, I loved that we got to see more of the dynamic of the castle in this version. I loved Eric’s mom even though I didn’t agree with her approach on what to do with Eric. I did wonder where Eric’s dad was though. They mentioned him one time and it was in the opening scene when Eric said he didn’t want to be like him. We know that Eric is adopted in this version, but did I miss something where his dad is dead? Someone let me know if I missed that. Anyways I love that Eric’s mom is black and it’s kind of like it’s not that weird that he would be into Ariel because his mom is black and almost everyone on this island is black lmfao. Eric is the outlier. They ate that! I also want to say that it makes more sense that the people from the island have accents because they’re on an island. They were really trying to make us believe that this was all happening in Europe???? But only Sebastian is Jamaican???
The scene of them inside of Eric’s collectables room is so important to show how much they have in common. Anyways this is a very important scene that they added because it showed that Eric also feels trapped in his life. He isn’t supposed to leave the castle or the island because his mom feels like it isn’t safe. Just like how Ariel’s dad didn’t think it was safe. I like that in this version you really get to see the bond that Ariel and Eric have that isn’t really fleshed out in the original. It makes more sense now how they fell in love in 3 days. Even though I got it when I was 4! Sometimes you just click!!!! It’s not that deep!
Okay so for Kiss the Girl I was on the edge of my seat! They were about to fuck on this boat!!!! You could see it in their eyes! I feel like that’s the horniest I’ve ever seen characters be in a Disney movie!!!!! The way he found out Ariel’s name was really cute. It made more sense than Sebastian whispering it in his ear. If a man looked at me like how Eric looked at Ariel after she went back to her room after their boat ride it’d be over!
Due Diligence: Lin Manuel Miranda one day you will pay for your crimes. Nothing about this movie needed a really annoying rap between Sebastian and Skuttle that recapped the events that were just established. Not a bit. It was so obviously forced that it made me gag. Like no. I just had to say that. It seems will never go back to a Disney musical that doesn’t have his hand in it somehow and that bothers me. You tried a little harder with Ariel’s new song and Uncharted Waters but still I will never let you off the hook for just always doing the fucking most!!!!
One of the things I was curious about with the lives action was how they were going to do the last 20 minutes of the movie when Ursula turns back into an octopus and takes Ariel and then turns huge. First, I have to say actress that played vanessa was cunt and she didn’t even say a word. Vanessa lived, served cunt, and died. A true legend! I thought she was so hot as a kid but like I didnt really understand. I just always secretly wanted her to be on the screen longer even though I was rooting for Ariel. Halle’s trill as vanessa was soooooooo cunt. That actress really nailed the lip syncing I have to say. And I dont say that a lot!!! I’ve never seen her before, but she made her little 15 minutes count!!!
Okay, there is something I was confused about that I need the Jury’s help with: When Eric was still under Vanessa’s spell, his mother said that she was being presented to the court. They didn’t say that they were getting married. But then she gives him a ring that she wants Eric to have. But then in the end Eric and Ariel get married so does “intended to the court” mean that you are telling the “court” that you want to get married? And if they say no can you not get married lmfao. Also if they say yes do you have to get married that day?? In both versions of the movie I never understood the urgency. Can one of the members of the Jury who watch Bridgerton, or something explain this to me? The extension of my knowledge comes from Prince Harry Ala Spare so I have no idea.
Anyways, the last reprise of part of your world is so sad omg. That’s not in the original they just wanted to fuck us up even more!! The scene after Ursula turns back into an octopus was so scary in live action. Like it was scary as a cartoon but holy shit I’m a grown ass woman and I was scared!!! Giant Melissa McCarthy was scary!!! Also, the fact that they just straight up killed King Triton and didn’t make him one of those little worm things was such a gag!! Like the entire theater gasped! That made the part where Ariel puts the ship inside of Ursula even more impactful because she did all of that thinking her father was dead!!! It wasn’t lost on me that Ariel saved herself not Eric. The feminists at Disney with that.
Their little wedding sendoff was so cute and my only actual note about the movie was that they completely didn’t even have the sparkly dress that Ariel wears when she gets her legs back and goes back to Eric. I was looking forward to seeing what they were going to do for that part, and they completely didn’t have it. So, I couldn’t in good conscious give the movie 5 stars because I would have loved to see Halle in that dress. The dress she actually wears is cute! It’s very reminiscent of the original dress she wears on the wedding ship, but it still wasn’t enough. The only thing that made up for it was getting to see all the mer-people at the end. I’m glad they kept that in this version because it really satisfied the mermaid obsession I have.
Overall, I loved this movie and could probably be convinced to see it again honestly. It was true to the story while adding necessary context to the story. I truly have no major Quams with this movie and anyone who does is taking it way too seriously. I am off Twitter, but I just know some girls are mad that she wasn’t actually wet and under water as if this isn’t a movie about a mermaid!!! The Little Mermaid has and will probably always be my all-time favorite Disney movie5. Now I don’t even have to feel guilty about it being about a white girl because now she’s black! I’m telling you Selena did this movie for ME! Anyways go see this movie or I will send my mermaids on you the next time you are in a body of water👩🏿⚖️
It’s the dark-skinned black one and the one from Bridgerton obvi.
Even though in the scene where they are running away from the shark, she fully was not paying attention to him like she should have. Like that was fully her fault.
In the original and this version
A song written by Lin Manuel Miranda….
Of course, The Princess and the Frog is in my top 3 the other is prob The Lion King 2 bc that’s where my name came from or Hercules if i’m being real.