Taylor Swift Cannot be Dating Matty Healy

Not today Satan!

The Sun is continuing their role as mencaces to society and decided to stop me in my tracks by reporting that Taylor Swift is dating Matty Healy of The 1975. I want it to be clear that I do not think this is true for multiple reasons that I will get to in a second. But I also need to stress that this CANNOT be real. The universe cannot take it. Kiara’s Court cannot take it. The court refuses to see this relationship as valid👩🏿‍⚖️

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Exhibit A

The battery about to die. uncropped. The urgency.

“Two International Megastars” listen I love The 1975 but equating them to Taylor Swift seems unfair to her. Yes, all of their albums have gone #1 and have a significant fan base but Taylor Swift is just a different beast. Like MOST people cannot compete with her. She is selling out stadiums and I saw a couple seats empty at MSG when I saw the 1975 last year. Just saying!

Exhibit B

While on paper this seems like something Taylor would do. As a (reluctant) Swiftie this feels like a reach to me. Taylor is more pointed with her Easter Eggs I feel. Yes, she is the most calculated woman in music, but I will have to wait and see the real proof before I believe she would spite Joe like this. According to People their break-up was amicable so why would she be so shady? Jury¹ it doesn’t seem plausible to me.

Exhibit C

“Madly in love” and “super-early days” in the same sentence is the tell. Listen she could be perfectly fine and over her break up with Joe and ready to move on. But when has she ever moved on from……..anything. Just doesn’t seem real to me. I love Taylor but even I think I would to be past the “early days” to be in true proper love with him.

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Okay let’s entertain it for a second

Pros

here she is wearing their merch while they briefly dated like 10 years ago. This was so cunt real has to recognize real!

• Charli XCX is dating the fine ass drummer of The 1975, George Daniels² which means that if this is true, we may get photos of them in the same room again that’s not on the 1989 tour.

• We also would hopefully get Charli x Taylor collab for Reputation (Taylor’s Version) if she wanted to do what is RIGHT for the world.

• Even if this is just a rumor it would be so cunt of her to start up her rumors era³ again to introduce Reputation (Taylor’s Version.) An album that I am beyond perched for!

• Her moving on this fast from Joe Alwyn would mean to ME that there is tea. Now, as we know Taylor is in her “telling stories Era⁴” aka Folklore and Evermore while also being simultaneously being in her Midnights Era which is just looking back at her past relationships. Hoping that she continues to be self referential and not make up stories then the next (original) album is gonna eat!

• We could probably get some lines or song (s) about Taylor in the next 1975 album but if/when they go on tour again i’m going to need him to before I come up there.

Cons

y’all walk with me…Walk with me!!!!

• Well for starters Matty Healy is on my baby daddy list⁵ so she is literally dating my man. I Like it When You Sleep…. is White Excellence whether I like it or not.

• Matty has recently been in headlines for saying some really fucked up racist shit about Japanese people and Ice Spice of all people????? Then he gave a halfass apology and basically said everyone can suck their dick. Which is a MESS

• Matty is just kind of in his trashy era. This just wouldn’t look good aesthetically.

• I was 2 years late to find out that Matty Healy and FKA Twigs were dating recently and when I tell yall I had NO idea. Idk where I was but this was a lot to take in once I found out a couple months ago. But, the reason why this is important to him and Taylor is because this means that he IS attracted to black women⁶. Listen the little girl in me who couldn’t help but hope that the white male celebrities I was attracted to are attracted to black girls⁷. IYKYK but dating as a black woman who is attracted to white men is bleak.⁸ That being said if he would like her maybe he would like me! Matty stop playing and come home! The kids miss you! So yes this point is just about me but this IS Kiara’s Court.

• If they are actually together they are both going to be SO annoying during and after my god.

Okay so the Pros and Cons are equal…………Listen, I will continue to monitor this but hopefully this is The Sun is just making shit up again. I would like a word with these “sources.” Until we have real hard proof y’all should not panic. But the sheer thought of this put the fear of God in me and I needed to let y’all know👩🏿‍⚖️

1. What my readers are called

2. 2 first name legend

3. lol as if she’s not always in her rumors era. I just mean 2016-2017

4. Why does she keep releasing “chapters” for things? Girl thats a playlist and your page is getting cluttered! Stop!!

5. For better or for worse im sorry! He sucks but I can change him! List coming very soon I promise.

6. Light Skinned black women at least

7. Black Directioners I see you!!

8. And just existing at that