Online Dating: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Why can't men just be normal???
It’s no secret that online dating has become a wasteland of opportunity. I first started using dating apps during my freshman year of college and immediately became overwhelmed with access to all these people who wanted to date or have sex with me. It wasn’t until the summer before my junior year of college that I went on a date with someone online. I will spare you the story of that and just say that it was a weird date that went nowhere and ended with the guy Venmo requesting me for food that he basically forced me to get.
In the ongoing tug-of-war of deleting and redownloading dating apps, I have finally decided that I am done and I have sworn off dating apps all year.1 For the first time in my life, I actually am not focused on dating at all right now. Due to my priorities being on my career and living my life. Now, that isn’t to say if something happens naturally I wouldn’t be open to it. I am a Charlotte after all. But, I am just not putting any effort on my end into dating anyone. That being said I think it is time we discuss the MESS that is online dating and examine why these men have the actual audacity to be insane to the people they claim they are trying to pursue.
I posted on my socials for people to send me their craziest online dating stories and things people have said to them and my friends did not disappoint. This is basically a long explanation of why I have given up on online dating and you should too!
Hinge
Many people swear by Hinge. I have to admit, of the dating apps, it is definitely the best one to try and meet someone who is serious about dating. However, that does not mean that you will not encounter weirdos. This first example is something that happened to me. By far probably the craziest thing that i’ve seen on Hinge. Before you ask, yes he was.
I have been thinking about this since it happened and I still do not understand what the point of this was? Is he only trying to date Black women? If so I mean I guess this is a good way to weed out anyone else but also what??? This is just truly a crazy thing to have as a prompt and to not feel weird about. I pretty much ended the conversation after what you see above and unmatched with him but I will always be confused by that.
These next ones aren’t that bad but they definitely made me very confused on how to reply.
Not Davey taking my spotlight?! He was eating me up on my own profile that bad??? Like damn Dave! Also I am not Ghanian but idk why this sent me so bad. Also the guy admitting that he was a creep………did you actually think I would match with you after that?? I truly do not understand men. Like are you trying to impress women or scare them?
Now this next one didn’t happen to me but my good friend Miki ( who writes one of my favorite newsletters Bottom Text. She’s basically the Black Carrie Bradshaw minus being a dumbass.)
I have to admire the boldness and honesty of this. Listen, as a gassy queen myself, this honestly isn’t that bad. I personally wouldn’t be into someone saying this to me before we are seriously dating but I feel like criticizing this too much gets into kink shaming and I only shame really weird kinks lol.2 I know of people who like to smell armpits (i’m not into that) while I think it’s kind of gross, I think it’s harmless. This is definitely harmless but…..odd. Once again, are you trying to impress women or scare them? If more men asked themselves this I bet their messages on dating apps would be better.
Grindr
Unfortunately, men are saying insane things on dating apps no matter their sexual preference. It doesn’t matter if you are gay, bi, or somewhere in between. If you are attracted to men and are on dating apps, odds are you are going to encounter some insane things. It is no secret that Grindr is kind of a last resort place for romance for gay men. It is normally used to orchestrate hook ups.3 But my question is, just because this is mainly a hookup app, why does that mean you get to talk to each other crazy? I have a lot of thoughts about gay culture and gay dating culture but ultimately I think y’all just need to be nicer to each other.
Case and point. What an insane thing to say. First of all, why are you talking shit about wide jaws? Secondly, why would you think someone would accept that backhanded ass “compliment”? Gay men can be some of the most judgemental people and this is not helping their case.
Now this next one was just fucking hilarious.
Unfortunately, my friend was not the femboy Hooters creator but this sent me. This isn’t necessarily bad, it is just hilarious and random. I guess Grindr isn’t always a terrible place for romance.
Now, this next story could only happen on Grindr.
Personally, I would never go outside my house again. Once again, why are men so fucking weird??? I never understand what people want from people when they are creepy to them. I fully believe people get off on making people uncomfortable. Fiending over someone in a chili’s is insane behavior. An Olive Garden maybe……..
Misc.
This next one came from Twitter. This does not shock me at all. The things that have been said to me on a dating app based on my race………That’s an entirely different letter. Not to mention the guy who had an entire conversation with me and thought I was a different Black woman that he knew in real life the entire time. For Black women, it’s bleak out here.
This person is also a Lesbian, so in this case, the women are not alright either.
In Conclusion
Dating online for a woman is terrible. Dating online as a Black woman is terrible., Dating online as a gay man is terrible. Therefore, what did we learn today class? Online dating is OUT! Personally, I want people to become more bold and comfortable with having rizz and flirting in person. This of course does not apply to me because I am super anxious and will not be going up to anyone lol. I just am envious for a time where people had no other option but to go up to people. If you have some online dating horror stories please let me know below! We honestly need a support group at this point. And if you met your partner online, I don’t want to hear about it. You are clearly God’s favorite and we don’t need you to rub it in.
Except Raya, I cannot lose my place and I have to have it for the off chance I match with Paul Mescal.
Like the sand hole guy. I still need him in JAIL!
I know about other apps like sniffies and scruff and I have no comment
not me immediately answering “Emily?” to who was in paris
waiting to match with Paul Mescal on Raya so real